Mine

 

I can play the video game

If I sit on his lap and behave

Colors run across the screen while

he rakes across my thigh

Places he shouldn’t be

But I win a level

I’m just 6

 

A magazine slipped from under a bed

Their dad isn’t home

They show me Playboy

Spread her out head to toes

The older one says

“you have one of those”

My face is lava

I’m only 11

 

He pushes my chest

I land hard,

“mind your business”

I back away, watch his grip tighten

her face twists and I hear

her eyes plead at me

apologies in my tears

We’re just 12

 

Child bearing hips

I keep hearing that lately

Family, friends, old men

His eyes move over me

“You’ve sure grown into those hips”

Said with a chuckle

My family laughs with him

I am only 13

 

I’m trying to sleep

My door is closed

he stumbles through

Beer and cigarettes fill my room

Beside me the bed creaks

An unwelcome weight

I scream in my head

he gets up and leaves

I am only 15

 

 

I’m learning now

I tell him I’m ready

but it hurts

He is angry

Why aren’t you wet

Just let me finish first

And I do,

It’s easier.

I’m only 16

 

He is different

He’s sweet before

he punches the dash

Begs from the floor

Screams through tears

His love for me

his dreams for us

he will drive off the bridge if I leave

I’m still only 16

 

My childbearing hips

Scream under pressure

I just want this body to be mine

To claim it

To appreciate it

To know it

To own it

They still want my body for themselves

The diets and drugs

Rules and

Laws and

Enough

When is it mine?

I’m only 35